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WHAT IS THIS?

It's a "Hill-Billy"

These are from a book called Disorder in the American
    Courts, and are things people actually said in court,
    word for word, taken down and now published by court
    reporters who had the torment of staying calm while
    these exchanges were actually taking place.
    _______________________________________________
   
    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
   
____________________________________________________________________
   
    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the
    impact?
    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    ________________________________________________
   
    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your
    memory at all?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
   
    WITNESS: I forget.
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of
    something you forgot?
    ________________________________________________
   
    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said
    to you that morning?
    WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
    WITNESS: My name is Susan!
   
    ________________________________________________
   
    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person
    dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the
    next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ________________________________________________
   
    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one-year-old,
    how old is he?
    WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
    ________________________________________________
   
    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was
    taken?
    WITNESS: Are you shittin' me?
   
    ________________________________________________
   
    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
    August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: Uh.... I was getting laid!
    ________________________________________________
   
    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    WITNESS: Are you shittin' me? Your Honor, I think I
    need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
    ________________________________________________
   
    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?
    ________________________________________________
   
    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    WITNESS: Guess.
    ________________________________________________
   
    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning
    pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your
    attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    ________________________________________________
   
    ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
    performed on dead people?
    WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead
    people. Would you like to rephrase that?
    ________________________________________________
   
    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What
    school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral.
    ________________________________________________
   
    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the
    body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why
    I was doing an autopsy on him!
    ________________________________________________
   
    -- And the best for last: ---
   
   
    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy,
    did you check for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was
    alive when you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a
    jar.
    ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been
    alive, nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been
    alive and practicing law.

Then again, I could be wrong ....

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat".

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh, my word!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look"

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long." 

 Mrs. Smith fainted

The Bill Gates Rules of Life

This should be posted in all schools and work places.

    

Love him or hate him, he sure hits the nail on the head with this! Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world.
Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world WILL expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, IT’S NOT YOUR PARENT’S FAULT, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your own room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
If you  agree, pass this on. If you can read this - Thank a teacher!

When Jane initially met Tarzan in the jungle, she was attracted to

him. During her questions about his life, she asked him how he had sex?

"Tarzan not know s*x" he replied.

Jane explained to him what s*x was.

Tarzan said

"Oh,....Tarzan use knot-hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified, Jane said,

"Tarzan you have it all wrong, but I will show you how to do it

properly."  She took off her clothing and laid down on the ground.

"Here" she said, pointing to her privates, "you must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loin cloth, showing Jane his considerable manhood,

stepped closer to her and kicked her in the crotch!

Jane rolled around in agony for what seemed like an eternity.

Eventually she managed to grasp for air and shouted, "What the hell

did  you do that for?"

Tarzan replied,

 "Check for squirrel." 

> A guy and a girl meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide
> to go to the girl's place.

> A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his
> hands.

> He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands again.

> The girl has been watching him and says, "You must be a dentist.."

> The guy, surprised, says "Yes....how did you figure that out?"

> "Easy," she replied, "you keep washing your hands."

> One thing led to another and they make love.

> After they are done, the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."

> The guy, now with a boosted ego says, "Sure, I'm a good dentist, how did
> you figure that out?"

> "Didn't feel a thing."

Subject: ACSA staff "confused and angry"

For all the coffee Lovers

 HOW TO START EACH DAY WITH A POSITIVE OUTLOOK

1.         Open a new file in your computer.

2.         Name it "Robert Mugabe".

3.         Send it to the Recycle Bin.

4.         Empty the Recycle Bin.

5.         Your PC will ask you. "Do you really want to get rid of
            "Robert Mugabe ?"

6.         Firmly Click "Yes."

7.         Feel better?  

Tomorrow we'll do Jacob Zuma

 "Lizard Birth"

> If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through
> the pet syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead
> goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out
> LOUD!

> Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet.

> Here's what happened:

> Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me
> there was "something wrong" with one of the two
> lizards he holds prisoner in his room.

> "He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm
> serious, Dad. Can you help?"

> I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and
> followed him into his bedroom. One of the little lizards
> was indeed lying on his back, looking stressed. I
> immediately knew what to do.

> "Honey," I called, "come look at the lizard!"

> "Oh, my gosh!" my wife exclaimed. "She's having
> babies."

> "What?" my son demanded. "But their names are
> Bert and Ernie, Mom!"

> I was equally outraged.

> "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn't
> want them to reproduce," I said accusingly to my wife.

> "Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their
> cage?" she inquired (I think she actually said this
> sarcastically!)

> "No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I
> reminded her, (in my most loving, calm, sweet
> voice, while gritting my teeth).

> "Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.

> "Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you
> know," she informed me (Again with the sarcasm!).

> By now the rest of the family had gathered to see
> what was going on. I shrugged, deciding to make
> the best of it.

> "Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience,"
> I announced. "We're about to witness the miracle
> of birth."

> "Oh, gross!" they shrieked

> "Well, isn't THAT just great? What are we going to do
> with a litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted
> to know.

> We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what
> looked like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing
> a scant second later.

> "We don't appear to be making much progress," I
> noted.

> "It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.

> "Do something, Dad!" my son urged.

> "Okay, okay." Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed
> the foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug.
> It disappeared. I tried several more times with the
> same results.

> "Should I call 911?" my eldest daughter wanted to know.

> "Maybe they could talk us through the trauma." (You
> see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

> "Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly. We drove to
> the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.

> "Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.

> "I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to
> him. (Women can be so cruel to their own young. I
> mean what she does to me is one thing, but this boy
> is of her womb, for G~d's sake.).

> The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and
> peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.

> "What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested
> scientifically.

> "Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs.
> Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?"

> I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

> "Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.

> "Oh, perfectly," the vet assured us. "This lizard is not
> i n labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen. . .
> Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male. And
> occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most
> male species, they um . . um . . . masturbate. Just
> the way he did, lying on his back." He blushed,
> glancing at my wife.

> We were silent, absorbing this.

> "So, Ernie's just . just . . . excited," my wife offered.

> "Exactly," the vet replied , relieved that we understood.

> More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to
> giggle. And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

> "What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not
> believing that the woman I married would commit
> the upcoming affront to my flawless manliness.

> Tears were now running down her face. "It's just .that . .
> I'm picturing you pulling on its . . . its. . . teeny little
> winkie . " She gasped for mo re air to bellow in laughter once
> more.

> "That's enough," I warned. We thanked the vet and
> hurriedly bundled the lizard and our son back into
> the car.. He was glad everything was going to be okay.

> "I know Ernie's really thankful for what you did, Dad,"
> he told me.

> "Oh, you have NO idea," my wife agreed, collapsing
> with laughter.

> Two lizards: $140.

> One cage: $50.

> Trip to the vet: $30.

> Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard's winkie:
> Priceless!

> Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class.

Lizards lay eggs!

THE WEDDING TEST

I was a very happy man. My wonderful girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only one little thing bothering me... It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less. She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate because she never did it when she was near anyone else. One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me." I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car. Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping! With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family." And the moral of this story is:

Always keep your condoms in your car....

Why did the Chicken cross the road???

ESKOM : I do not care, as long as he saved electricity crossing the road!

TEACHER : To get to the other side!

JAN F CILLIER : Dis die hoender, dis die pad – dis al!

NATANIEL : Ek was vreeslik op my nerves vir sy part tot hy anderkant gekom het. Ek dink dit was stunning!

NAAS BOTHA : Aan die einde van die dag wat saak maak is die telbord! Hoeveel keer het hy die pad gekruis?

NELSON MANDELA : It was his long walk to freedom. A true Rainbow Chicken!

PIETER DIK UYS : Was dit ‘n he-chicken of ‘n she-chicken? Does it Pik?

ALLAN BOESAK : How can the motives of a chicken who done so much for chickenhood be questioned? It must have “struggled” to cross the road!

DULLA OMAR : I am sure the chicken is innocent. He did what he did because of the apartheid legacy!

NGCONDE BALFOUR : The government will ensure that a fair quota of black chickens cross the road as well. Why should black chickens remain on this side

of the road? I only watch black chickens crossing the road anyway!

TREVOR MANUEL : Eh, do we tax chickens who cross the road yet?

VAN SCHALKWYK : Lets join the chicken and cross the road!

TONY LEON : No matter where the chicken goes, we have the guts to fight back!

DESMOND TUTU : We should have crossed the road with him. Together we will make a difference!

THABO MBEKI : I really don’t have an opinion about the chicken crossing the road …

MARK SHUTTLEWORTH : I would have paid a million to see the chicken cross the road.

MUGABE : Stop that Chicken. Arrest that chicken. It must be repossessed together with the farm that it came from. And the farm that it

was going to on the opposite side of the road. And all the chickens on both farms – they are co-conspirators. And it nobody’s business

what I do with the chickens in my country. It is Britain’s fault for bringing the chickens here in the first place.

JACOB ZUMA : The showers were on the other side of the road!

MANTO : Schicken – whish schicken (hic) I shaw lots of schickens!

Hi everyone

On my recent visit to see how the little fella was getting on I just knew that he is getting back to his norms self……

I had last seen Norman in late September and like all whom had visited was astonished at what he was facing in terms of recuperation.

Well I pop in to see him and the family 10 days ago and lo and behold besides walking out to meet me Norman immediately starts assuring me that he and his old comrade in arms Patrick Wagner were not responsible for retrieving the impala kill from a lioness and then putting it back in the tree for the leopard. This is nearly 10 years after the long debate we had at the time when Norms was about to launch his photos for the AGFA awards.

I immediately knew that Norms is getting back to his normal self.

It was good seeing you, Sue, Hayley and Roland again mate.

All the best

Michel

Hello Norman, Sue, Hayley and Roland

How are you all? Just thinking about you this beautiful morning! Any more news? It has been a long, hard, winding road for you with lots of bumps but it seems that you have traveled far already. There was a story about a person who faced an enormous, almost impossible challenge. He was asked “How do you eat an elephant?” to which he replied that it was impossible. “One bite at a time” he was told. Not easy. But with each bite, however small, there is progress! Well done for your progress – you can finish that elephant.

Gosh where did that come from this early in the morning?? !!! Bi for now…love to you all

Louis & Penni Korb

FUNERAL SPEECH OF THE YEAR

Maria is a devoted wife: She gets married and has 17 children....... Soon after the last child is born, her husband dies..... A few weeks later she remarried, and over the following years has another 22 children with her second husband...... After the last child is born her second husband also dies...... Within a month Maria is engaged to be married for the third time....... Unfortunately, she becomes very ill and dies. At her funeral the priest looks tenderly at Maria as she lies in her coffin, he looks up to heaven and says: "At last they are finally together".

A man standing next to the priest asks, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean Maria and her first husband, or Maria and her second husband?"

The priest replied "I mean her legs"!!!

The other night I was invited out for a night with the "girls." I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home.

Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realizing my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times.

I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution, in order to escape a possible conflict with him.

(Even when totally smashed... 3 cuckoos plus 9 cuckoos totals = 12 cuckoos MIDNIGHT!)

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him "MIDNIGHT"... he didn't seem pissed off in the least.

Whew, I got away with that one! Then he said "We need a new cuckoo clock."

When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh shit." Cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted.

In South Africa we live in HEAVEN.
We HEAVEN got petrol,
we HEAVEN got wek,
we HEAVEN got a cure for eds,
we HEAVEN got lektriek and
we HEAVEN got brite fewcha.
Eish!!

A MAN AND HIS OSTRICH

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.
The waitress asks for their orders. The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"
"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be $9.40 please," she says and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact amount for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries, and a coke." The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."
Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact amount. For a while this becomes routine until the two enter again later in the week.
"The usual?" asks the waitress.
"No, this time it's a treat, so I will have a steak, baked potato, and salad," says the man.
"Yep! Same," says the ostrich.
Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."
Once again the man pulls the exact amount out of his pocket and places it on the table.
The waitress can't hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir.
How do you manage to always come up with the exact money from your pocket every time?"
"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was clearing the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.
My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."
"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would wish for a couple of million pounds or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"
"That's right. Whether it's a pint of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.
The waitress asks, "But, sir, what's with the ostrich?"
The man sighs, pauses, and replies,
"My second wish was for a tall bird with a big arse and long legs who agrees with everything I say."

A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said,

'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'

The wife playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, 'He mated 50 times last year.'

They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said,

''THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'

The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, 'That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him.'

They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, 'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'

so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said,' That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one

The husband looked at her and said, 'Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow.'

The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and he should eventually make a full recovery.

Hur mår Ni?

Sorry I miss you on Skype – all the time. It is only me who used this computer and I work strange hours and always miss your calls. Knut & Gunhild are so impressed with you two, and it is not easy to impress two of the most effective people I know. That you support as you do and that Norman is making such great progress. In the end all the others are talking mainly but you two have to make it work. They were so happy to get your last mail with the update.Look after yourselves!

Love from us all in Bjärred

Dear Norman,

it is nice to hear the up-dates and that things are moving in the right direction. I am sure it must be frustrating to take it step by step and your life's are not ready right now. But we are so happy to hear over the little progress you are making. Knowing how determent you I am sure we will see you back at the Indaba soon!

I hope you are in good spirit and we will be thinking of you always, you are so strong I cant believe what you have achieved so far.

All our love Anke Kafunta River Lodge and Island Bush Camp South Luangwa National Park

Hi Sue, Norman and Roland and Hayley

Thank you for sending the update, although I have not been in touch you are all often in my thoughts. I am thrilled that Norman is improving all the time. Your tenacity, strength, bond and love as a family is an incredible source of inspiration.

I don’t have too much else to report, I just wanted to say hi and that I am thinking of you all. Wishing Norman a speedy recovery...

Please do shout if there is anything I can do to help.

Lots of love to everyone Ian

WHO IS JACK SCHITT

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt!' Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.

In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious couple produced six children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.

Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.

Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Schitt. Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.

Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.

Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you can correct them.

Sincerely, Crock O. Schitt

Hi all

Robert Mugabe and his chauffeur were rolling down the highway when suddenly they hit a pig crossing the road. They killed it instantly.
Robert tells his driver:" Go to that farm over there and explain to the owner of the pig what happen."
One hour later, Robert sees his driver coming back from the farm, his clothes all wrinkled, a bottle of wine in one hand and a cigar in the other.
"What happen to you?" Mugabe asks.
"Well, the farmer gave me a cigar, his wife gave me a bottle of wine and their 19 year old daughter made wild passionate love to me."
"My God! What did you tell them?" asked Mugabe.
The driver answered: " Good evening, I am Robert Mugabe's chauffeur and I have just killed the pig."

Cheers
Patsy

Hi Norms,I hope you guys had a good New Year.I hope the kids have settled in to school.Norms I hope that Sue will not beat you any more when you don't listen to her!!(ha ha) I have a few jokes for you-
Gatjiep is staggering home after a heavy night at the shebeen, suddenly the devil appears in a puff of smoke,Gatjiep checks him out and says"wie die donner is jy" the devil checks him out and booms out "I am the prince of darkness" ou Gatjiep staggers back and says "you donner jy is die CEO of Eskom"
What is the difference between Eskom and the Titanic?
At least when the Titanic went down the lights were on!
Please look after yourself
Greg and Tracey and the Horde
ps,saw Paul Silcox he is threatening to come and tell some loooong stories

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous 'yes.'
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.
The sand is everything else---the small stuff. 'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you. 'Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.'

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.'
The coffee just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.'

Please share this with someone you care about.. I JUST DID

There is a very, very tall coconut tree, and there are 4 animals:
King Kong, Ape, Orangatan and a Monkey.
They have a competition to see who is the fastest to get the banana. Who do you guess will win?
Your answer will reflect your personality. Try and answer within 30 seconds
Got your answer? Scroll down to see the analysis.

In case your medical aid ran out of funds J

Vasectomies

After having their 11th child, a Brakpan couple decided that was enough. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children...
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy but that it was expensive. (For people staying in Brakpan, paying more than R50 for anything other than booze, car accessories or a sound system, is expensive).
A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Brakpan), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear and count to 10! The man said : "Aag, yinne, I maait not be de cleverest oke in the wurlt, but I dussin see how putting a cherrie borm in a beer can, next to my ear, is going to help me."
"Trust me" said the doctor... So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb, and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: " Wun, twooo, freee, forrr, faaaiife," at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand!!!
This procedure also works in: Springs, Primrose, Kempton Park, Orkney, Randfontein and Brits.

If it keeps on raining...

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at him, looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound left testicle, 3 pound right testicle, Turner Brown. The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says,"What's wrong with you?" In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"
The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my left testicle weighs 3 pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown." The small guy says, "Turner Brown?!.........., I thought you said, 'Turn around'"!

Hi Patrick, Well spotted for the sting of fish at Sabi Sabi Bush Lodge reception. I must say that I didn't give Norman's illegal poaching a thought when I sent that photo to the website.

But wait till you see the next one .............. you wait too Michel - a few things about a few people could be revealed. I'll have to check with the other guilty party before I send it to the website, but you Pat, as well as Michel and Louis will definately enjoy it.

Thanks you guys, you have been great.
Love Sue and Norman

Dear Norman and Sue
I finally went on your website last night and wanted to send it an email, but it kept asking for technical details, like what server I had, so I couldn’t get it sent (I think the computer eventually ate it!) Anyway, I’ll have to stick to emailing you directly. I got this now and it is quite thought-provoking, but I’ll also send you the joke I tried to send last night; not that I think either of us, Sue, really fits the stereotype. Thanks for the update on how things are going – it is fantastic to hear that there has been more improvement in the month since we saw you. How is Roland enjoying his new school and how is Hayley enjoying Gr.1?
Love to you all,
Erika

Hot Chocolate A group of graduates, well established in their careers, were talking at a reunion and decided to go visit their old university professor, now retired. During their visit, the conversation turned to complaints about stress in their work and lives. Offering his guests hot chocolate, the professor went into the kitchen and returned with a large pot of hot chocolate and an assortment of cups - porcelain, glass, crystal, some plain looking, some expensive, some exquisite - telling them to help themselves to the hot chocolate. When they all had a cup of hot chocolate in hand, the professor said: "Notice that all the nice looking, expensive cups were taken, leaving behind the plain and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress. The cup that you're drinking from adds nothing to the quality of the hot chocolate. In most cases it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was hot chocolate, not the cup; but you consciously went for the best cups... And then you began eyeing each other's cups. Now consider this: Life is the hot chocolate; your job, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain life. The cup you have does not define, nor change the quality of life you have. Sometimes, by concentrating only on the cup, we fail to enjoy the hot chocolate God has provided us. God makes the hot chocolate, man chooses the cups. The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything that they have. Live simply. Love generously. Care deeply. Speak kindly. And enjoy your hot chocolate!!

Very sorry to be slow in responding to the magnificent Trust appeal – for which many, many congratulations.

I have not wanted to pester Sue because I am not sure that my emails have been getting to her. Could you very kindly pass on our very special love to the family for Christmas from Edwin and Janet.

Best regards
Edwin

Have you heard the new South African anthem?

"Hello darkness my old friend......."

What's the difference between the Titanic and South Africa?

At least when the Titanic went down the lights were still on!!

Tracey Meaker

Hi Norm, Sue and family

Great to hear the good news on the improvement that you are making….keep it up! The picture taken of you holding the “string” of fish in front of the Bush reception desk (web heading pics), which was taken in the 80’s is proof of your early poaching practices conducted in the Sabi River. I hope the authorities don’t get to see this as you could be liable for a number of conservation malpractices!

Love from all the Shortens

I am sure that I speak for many of us in the industry to say the following:

A special thanks to all the Sponsors for offering bed-nights.

It is a magnificent gesture from them to one of their own.

To the travel agents reading this – Please book through the Trust and support them so the bed-nights can get less, thereby putting-in more money for the Trust !!!!!!!!

To all others – send the Trust website on to all you know.

Kindest
Louis

Hello Norms

Good to see a few jokes.

Patsy must have written that joke down as Herman can’t spell, the same for Tracey as Greg can’t spell either. Don’t worry chaps I’ll give you both a hug when next I see you!

Come-on all of you – Norms needs more flipping jokes (actually me!).

Right that’s me done for now.

Norms – Keep “punt in die wind”

Cheers
Louis

Another one for you guys

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, "What would you like to talk about?"

Oh, I don't know", said the stranger, "How about nuclear power?"

"OK", she said. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass, the same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

The stranger thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

The little girl looks directly at the stranger and asks, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power, when you don't know shit?"

Lots of love from Paul and Colleen

Hi Sue and Norman

Well Sue you asked for some jokes...so here goes....(something we can look forward to in our later years!!)

The Grandmas

Three old mischievous Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside a Nursing home.
About then an old Grandpa walked by, and one of the old Grandma's
Yelled out saying, "We bet we can tell exactly how old you are."
The old man said, "There isn't no way you can guess it, you old fools."
One of the old Grandmas said, "Sure we can! Just drop your pants and under shorts and we can tell your exact age."
Embarrassed just a little, but anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers.
The Grandmas asked him to first turn around a couple of times and to jump up and down several times. Then they all piped up and said,
"You're 87 years old!"
Standing with his pants down around his ankles, the old gent asked, "How in the world did you guess?"
Slapping their knees and grinning from ear to ear, all three old Ladies happily yelled in unison—
"We were at your birthday party yesterday!"

Lots of love from Paul and Colleen
Edmonton, Canada.

Here's a very clean joke for the website! After having dug to a depth of 10 meters last year, Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 100 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 100 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, English scientists dug to a depth of 20 meters, and shortly after, headlines in the English newspapers read: 'English archaeologists have found traces of 200 year old copper wire and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech communications network a hundred years earlier than the Scots.'

One week later, 'The Kerrymen,' a southwest Irish newsletter, reported the following: 'After digging as deep as 30 meters in peat bog near Tralee, Paddy O'Droll, a self taught archaeologist, reported that he found absolutely nothing. Paddy has therefore concluded that 300 years ago Ireland had already gone wireless.'

Tracey Meaker

Hi Norman and Sue

As usual here in Zambia we are a bit slow to hear about what is happening on the other-side of the Zambezi! We are thinking about the whole family and hope all goes well and that before too long you will be back on your feet again and causing trouble at the next Indaba. Life in the valley carries on as usual – am I am sure memories of that will bring a smile to both Sue and Norm! Now I see there was a call from Louis for jokes and this has to be the only clean one I know!

Aboriginal Aussie Tracker

An Australian tour guide was showing a group of American tourists the Top End. On their way to Kakadu he was describing the abilities of the Australian Aborigine to track man or beast over land, through the air, under the sea. The Americans were incredulous. Then later in the day, the tour rounded a bend on the highway and discovered, lying in the middle of the road, an Aborigine. He had one ear pressed to the white line whilst his left leg was held high in the air. The tour stopped and the guide and the tourists gathered around the prostrate Aborigine.

"Jacky," said the tour guide, "what are you tracking and what are you listening for?" The aborigine replied, "Down the road about 25 miles is a 1971 Valiant Ute. It's red. The left front tyre is bald. The front end is out of whack and it has dents in every panel. There are 9 blackfellas in the back, all drinking warm sherry. There are 3 kangaroos on the roof rack and 6 dogs on the front seat."

The American tourists moved forward, astounded by this precise and detailed knowledge.

"Goddammit man, how do you know all that?" asked one.

The Aborigine replied, "I fell out of the f------ thing about half an hour ago.

Thinking of you and please keep me updated on how things are going

Cheers
Patsy and Herman

Sue said you needed some clean jokes for the website. Here's a pretty clean one:-

A Kiwi & an Aussie were sitting around talking one afternoon over a cold beer. After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, "If I was to sneak over to your house and shag your wife while you were off fishing and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"

The Kiwi crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head and squinted his eyes thinking really hard about the question. Finally he says, "Well I don't know about related but it sure would make us even"!!

Cheers, Tracey

TRACEY MEAKER THOMPSONS HAZYVIEW

Hi Norman, Sue, Hayley and Roland,

We wish you a very happy Christmas and ALL the best for 2008. You are always in our thoughts and we look forward to more progress in the new year!

Lots of love

Louis, Penni & Jessica-Anne

Hi Norm & Sue

Eventually – a clean joke that I can post here (I hope Louis reads this)

FORREST GUMP GOES TO HEAVEN
The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself.
However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper. St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you.
We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone.
The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven."
Forrest responds, "It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam.
I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was."
St. Peter continued, "Yes, I know Forrest, but the test is only three questions.
First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God's first name?"
Forrest leaves to think the questions over.
He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, give me your answers"
Forrest replied, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow."
The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, "Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer.
How about the next one?" asked St. Peter. "How many seconds in a year?
Now that one is harder," replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
Forrest replied, "Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... "
"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind.... but I will have to give you credit for that one, too.
Let us go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name"?
"Sure," Forrest replied, "it's Andy."
"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter.
"Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"
"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I learnt it from the song,
"ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN."
St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: "Run Forrest, run."

Give me a sense of humor, Lord.
Give me the ability to understand a clean joke,
To get some humor out of life,
And to pass it on to other folk.

Lots of love, always

Chantel

Hey Louis, Penny and Jess,

Here's a clean one for the web-site :-

Pain of a married man

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in bed.

She goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him.

He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.

"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"

The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 18?" he asks solemnly. "Yes I do" she replies.

The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily. "Do you remember when your father caught us in the garden?"

"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.

The husband continued.. "Do you remember when he showed the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?"

"I remember that too" she replied softly.

He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have been released today!"

Lots of love Sue and Norman

Hello Norman, Sue, Roland and Hayley.
Through out this time it has been hard to talk to you with out me becoming emotional and bawling in front of you, but if you Susan can be so strong, WOW. Norman you must be so proud of this inner strength Susan has portrayed from day one, what an amazing woman you chose. And I know Susan is so proud of your determination and strength and progress you have made. Yes it is slow, but its quality. I have read how your friends have kept you in their prayers and one thing that carries through is your fantastic sense of humor. Our Prayer for you Norman , Susan and kids is for God's work to continue in your daily healing (all of you). One thing I know for sure God is no half measure God, He will heal fully. Faith as a mustard seed is all we need. We love ya stax.

All our love always.
Brian, Donna, Kavan, Aaron, Trevor and Jason.

Dear Norman,
We were all extremely shocked when we heard what has happened to you. You and your family must truly be going through hell at the moment.
As Europeans we can hardly imagine the situation where you must bear all the financial consequences and costs of this drama yourself.
Fortunately you are a very special person with the strength to deal with this and get yourself back on your feet again.
We will miss you this Christmas in Madikwe, but look forward to being with you in the Land-Rover again at the end of 2008!

The Nadorp family

Hello Norms, Sue, Roland & Hayley
Still no jokes from anyone – I only know dirty ones so can’t post them here!
Lekker to see old friends writing and old nicknames surfacing – Matsikitso – Dwarf Mongoose – very lekker (Good one Warren)
Just thought we’d say hello to the Mann’s and all other friends.
Herewith a great Afrikaans saying – Aanhouer wen!
Keep-up the progress and lots of love to Sue.

Have a super day.
Louis, Penni & Jessica-Anne

Hi Norman,

The all team of Around Africa ( Bénédicte , Pascale and my self Brigitte) are with you in spirit, we missing you and we pray for you , we wish you and your family good luck on your recovery , get well soon !!

Regards
Brigitte
AROUND AFRICA

We are so very sorry to hear the news of Norman and are delighted at the initiative taken to support him and possibly other industry sufferer's in the future. May God bless and multiply your endeavours and bring about a speedy recovery for Norman. Our thoughts and prayers are with him and his family at this time.

Kind regards
THE TRAVELWISE TEAM

From all of us at Africapass, Norman has been in our thoughts and we wish him a speedy recovery.

With warmest wishes
Janit O'Connor-Pretorius
Africapass

A message to Norman and his lovely family,

" Each and every friend you gain along the path of life is paving the way to your ongoing support for success, your friends in the industry support every step you take in the right direction to being healthy again, keep up the hope and keep working at getting back to yourself. We will keep an eye on your developments and we all want to see you up and back to yourself soon. We all walk on your path of recovery beside you and your family and look forward to having a good run on it soon "

the Spot Leisure Team

Hi Norman

Just seen the web site. Its awesome. We wish you a speedy recovery. We thinking and praying for you constantly. Sue is so unbelievably positive and thats what we all need. Its going to be a long road, but with patience and the grace of God and obviously hard work, you will get there.

Much love and God's richest blessings to you and Sue and the kids
Colleen, Barry & the boys

Hello Norman,

This is your pal from many years ago wishing you all the very best for your complete and speedy recovery. Just know that my positive and good thoughts are with you, Sue and your lovely family.

Take care my friend,
Warmest wishes,
Ken Hermer
Journeys in Style
San Diego, California, USA

Hi Norman

Been following your progress through various friends that I see at the airport and what African Anthology has done by setting up the Norman Mann Trust is fantastic. Yes, you finally made talk of the town! (again)!!!

I wish you a good recovery, with family and friends there to support you I know you will get through this!

Thinking of you.
Your friend in the industry (ex Wilderness)
Natasha Iles
AfriFriends - Unique African Journeys

Hi Norman

How are you doing? Bev, Patrick and Brenda have been keeping me up to date with your progress. Keep strong and have faith. We will keep you in our prayers and do what we can to assist.

Cheers
Donald Christy

Dear Norms, Sue, Hayley and Roland

Hang in there - you are in our thoughts daily! Sue, your courage, drive and positive attitude will get you and your family through these exceptionally difficult times and we have no doubt that Norman will recover.
Norms, it was great to see you and glad that you have not lost your sense of humour!! Hope people post lots of good jokes on this board so we can all enjoy them!
To Wayne, Anke and everyone else who has driven this web – great stuff guys!!!!::-) :::::::::::::::::::::: :-)

Louis & Penni Korb
GM Matemo Island
Quirimbas Archipelego
Cabo Delgado
Mozambique

Hello Norman

You have been in our thoughts and prayers throughout this difficult time as have Sue and the kids. Everyday a step in the right direction, and if anyone can do it in record time, you can.

Thanks Sue for keeping us updated, your strength over this period has been awe-inspiring. Keep up the fight Norm’s, you will win this in the end, of that we have no doubt.

Wayne we commend you on an outstanding initiative, it makes us proud to be a part of such a caring industry, with such dedicated people.

Duncan and Louise Rodgers
Leopard Hills Private Game Reserve

Hi Norman

Life is a funny thing - I was watching Top Billing a short while back and suddenly recognised this guide taking some celebs around and realised it was you! So many years have passed since our days at Wilderness, but you were so full of character and determined to achieve great things back then that I know, with all the support of your family and what seems like an amazing bunch of friends and work colleagues, you will get through this and back into the bush which was, and I am sure still is, your passion.

Take care and keep up your spirits

Lisa (Hobson)

Hi Norm

I have seen you regularly since you’ve come home – and I just want to tell you that YOU ARE AMAZING!!!

Your progress has come along in leaps & bounds – and I know that is purely through all your hard work and dedication (and your little nest of vipers!)

We will continue to pray for you and will continue to support you in any way that we can

Love
Chantel & Rodney

Hi Guys, I am obviously extremely sorry to hear about Norman’s ordeal! However, I believe that God has a plan with our lives

and whatever happens – He is still in control. I am praying for you Norman and for you Sue that you will receive the strength to endure

and that you will stay confident as a family. May I visit you ? Please let me know when it will be convenient and I will also forward

a monthly contribution to the trust by EFT.

Never give up my friend, never, never, never.

Kindest regards
Maria

Hello Norman

My thoughts are with you, Sue and the children every day, wishing you strength and a speedy full recovery.

Can’t wait for another drive in the bush with you, to hear all your interesting stories and to learn from your amazing knowledge.

Keep smiling, we are all behind you.

Your friend and colleague
Alexia Joachim

Hi Norm,

Glad to hear that you are on the road to recovery. Seems like just the other day we were sitting around the laptop - you talking - me typing, getting all the details for that, (bloody), Indian Mynah story down.

Best you get up an about asap Norm – got a few TV photo shoots coming up and I need a guide!

I wish you a smooth road ahead and if there are speed bumps, may they be little ones!

Warm regards,
Tracey
(Channel)

Norms,

It has been some weeks since I visited you last and I am delighted to know that you are well enough to have returned home. I now hope that you will continue to make a steady recovery. You are missed.

Sue: hang in there, I wish you strength and patience in the task of helping the Matsikitso recover, kick his arse when he is better.

Wayne and team. Thanks for the effort in making this all possible, Sue said it all: Friends like you are the best friends of all.

Cheers,
Warren

Hi Family-Mann

Got your emails and wonderful news again about Norman’ progress! Just remind him he was the instigator (I think maybe with Wayne!) to jump into the Bush Lodge Pool after their muddy soak in Warthog Wallow at Louis Bachelor’s Party! It was great timing with the 40 tour operators in at the time, all the directors, etc!!

Love you guys!!!
Louis & Penni Korb

To the one and only stormin norman Sue Hayley and Roland

It was good to visit you at home recently...seeing norman making slow but steady progress was motivating and I am sure that Norman will be back to energise the industry in his whirlwind fashion.

Norms you have given so much pleasure to us all...and a few grey hairs to boot....you are in our thoughts.

Sue to you one can only say you are wonderful ...Hayley and Roland love to you both.

Wayne Anke and the team well done on an amazing iniative !!!
Love Michel Clare and Kyra Girardin

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